1. It’s fun.
2. Look what it’s done for President Pumpkinhead.
3. Sometimes I prefer the raw unfiltered truth.
4. My dad was never able to break me of calling my brothers “stupid idiots” when I was kid, and he was a much better man than I will ever be.
5. Name calling is a hallowed tradition for those of us with limited intellectual capacity, like me and President Pumpkinhead.
6. Like the perfect paint color, sometimes the perfect name just “pops.”
7. I’m terrible at remembering people’s real names.
8. It’s the perfect naturopathic hypotensive.
9. It’s arguably better than punching someone in the throat.
And, last but not least:
10. Practice makes perfect, and I’m a perfectionist.